It is lunch hour, very many fellowships
songs here, there, there, and there
it is all noise, ranting ,ranting.
It doesnt make sense, no it doesnt
People are giving testimonies
Robert sks for 2 more
I wnt to speak, speak?
about what? Tell them what?
How you catch my interest with the desires of my heart
and then grab them back?
how you deny me of what Im surely need?
tell them what?
...some one cracks a joke
it is funny but right now it is humorless
I laugh, it aint amusing but I just cant stop
I cant stop my self
not because it is comical but absurd
an absurd joke, an absurd life, an absurd me!
you talk to me, I dont want to listen
I want tot keep you out, shut you up
if I listen, you will comfirm how unreasonable and selfish this all sounds
No I wont listen, I will blame you
robbie talks about the renewing of the mind
you tell me,'that is what I have been trying to tell you!'
you tell me about the guy who plants seeds
sleeps and the corn grows to give fruit.
'It takes time Judith,A seed cannot grow that fast,
it has to be firm in the ground spread root,
get nutrients and grow.
continue in me. Know the truth and it will set you free.
Have you now given up?'
Stop sounding in my head
you are like a clanging cymbal.
why dont you let me be unreasonable?
let me complain pliz
Iam tired of being a watchman
tiresd of believing for every thing.
I thiought it ought to be a life and one in abundance at that!
but I will wait coz my hope is in you.
even at moments like this when you seem busy
with hurricanes, wars and floods
and you cant grace my trivial isuues
i will hold on because you know the number of the hair on my head.
you have hedged from before and infront
I will wait on you because you knew me in my mother's womb
and you have perfected all that perfects me.
you will never leave me nor forsake me.

I look towards the throne and wonder how I should I come before the Lord. The blood of a thousand calves cannot do nor can all the money in the world wide. Should i come with praises that could cause an uproar in the whole world, or jump in a dance like David did.  Yet you need just me nothing else, me whether broken, beaten up and bruised allover, you donnot care. You require mercy and justice LORD nothing more.   Malachi 6.6,10........failed to finish

'turn me around,pick me up,undo what I have become. bring me back to the place of forgiveness and rest. I need you , I need your help. I cannot do this myself. You are the only one who can undo what i have become!' I love these lyrics.Rush of fools yeahhhhh.

storms never last

I do not spend a whole week lamenting! The week that is past was tricky, very tricky. After discovering my crush is taken, I realised my friend had wanted to move out with me at one time and mbu I hadplayed along. Am I slow or am I just a girl? Truthfully at that time my crushes were as common as taking a breath.......Iam super suprised because by the time I realised it was when he was withdrawing but even then it wasnt a big deal to me!mmmmmh any rehab is mine now,though I wonder why I amsaying rehab yet there is no one I am rehabing from but you never know the next cute and..... guy I meet!
I am settled though even after a torrent, I am really fine. It is funny how people can ask again like they do not believe you the first time but I am fine bambi! was looking at my campus dinner snaps  and decided to upoad some... which reminds someone told me I didnt have a date because there is no way someone can ask me since I act like the person is there! btw I was in youth office and a friend of mine asked me about my choir boyfriend. You should have seen me, my pulse raced and I am thinking who told him. It was amazing how one can be guilty!!!!! I guess my thiughts were like 'guilty, guilty pants on fire!' mmmh naye banage I should stop working  my brain in 3D.I realisedit was just a random question like,' Do you eat pork,Judith?'. eeeeh aaaah I am on rehab, the next time such a querry comes up, I will be steady with something like,'i do not know what you are talking about. oba who is that one?'...okay I better go back to compiling my proposal!

time again.

it is toward my birthday. I am not really excited because half of my 20th year has been tricky bambi. Guy issues here ,guy issues there simetimes it made me wonder whether I was meant to haveguy issues. First I had like 100 crushes,okay to be excited they were 4! munange Iam human, dont let your jaw drop! I dissappointed two of those and the third/ I dont know what happened but the 4th added salt to the wound. but you know what storms never last, jeez that guy opened abook for me, the kind that I had benn unknowingly opening for people but god is great,iam a bit fine! I was really hurt,It is really not nice to lead someone on and then pour cold water inthere face,bambi it aint nice at all. this brings me to my years resolution, I am in rehab for a yearand in this time i will crush on god over and over again. Atleast I will be assured of the reciprocation!